How Are You? No, Really, How Are You? Bopping Along With Ritual and Routine.

How many times have you come across someone who says hello and asks you “how are you”? And how many times have you answered this person a “fine” when you otherwise felt like shit or want to choke anyone who asks this question as a polite formality? I’d also venture a guess that you’ve engaged in this inane ritual many times more than you care to admit. But it’s the polite and expected thing to do especially to someone who you’ve come to know on a very superficial level and hell be damned if we aren’t anything but polite or going with the status quo. Sincerity, ha!

My guess if you told most people “I feel like crap, I have menstrual cramps (even better if you’re a man), and my dog is dying, and I want to slit my wrists”, they’d answer “good to hear” because quite frankly they weren’t even listening to your reply – they were just going about what is an expected routine of social decorum. Really, try it, and see how people respond. I’ll venture that most will go about on their “merry” ways. Some may drop their jaws, or stare at you like you’re standing in -30F weather stark naked in total disbelief. Not that they REALLY care about how you are one way or the other…

But then, what do I know? It’s all part of a cultural ritual and our desire to been seen as caring, courteous, likeable, and able to get along. On some level it is an exchange where the person who is asking is saying, “hey I recognize you and want to let you know”. Me, personally, you probably would have had me at “hello” (thank you Jerry McGuire), or as I tend to say “greetings and salutations” (okay I prefer to march to the beat of a different drum) if you just wanted to be polite. If the conversation is meant to move on, it will undergo a natural progression.

For example, there’s the one guy at my health club – a nice enough bloke – who says hello and asks how am I every morning we see each other. And every day, I answer the predictable “fine, and you” because even though it may be obvious on a particular day that I am less than okay, hunky dorey, peachy keen, or whatever other moronic or dorky phrase one may use to break up the monotony of the routine, I am not comfortable talking to this person beyond mere chatter. Besides, I doubt that even if I answered him in Hebrew or Swahili or Martian he’d break his routine as it seems that ingrained. Besides, I gather he could give a flying fuck about how I REALLY am in my life outside the gym. It’s just the nature of the beast and what we’re expected to do if we are “decent” and polite human beings.

And now you’re probably thinking -- wow what a beeyotch, who is this woman to attack our lovely social etiquette. To which I’ll just say I am as guilty as the rest of you. But you have to admit that on average it is a pretty mundane and insincere ritual. Just like the obligatory “good morning” to people you run into at work or on the street or what have you. Is it really a good morning – how do you know what kind of morning this person is having? But I digress ever so slightly…

The point is (and I do have one or more) that there are many times in the wide wonderful world of business where companies will do lip service and say they are interested in really understanding their customers. Are they REALLY? Some will go so far as to conduct research, perhaps design some questionnaires, conduct some qualitative research. But then the buck stops there. Maybe they will look provide a perfunctory look at what their customers are trying to tell them but do they really LISTEN and modify its business accordingly? Does they really give a rat’s ass or do they go about business as usual until they lose market share or their sales growth declines because they get wrapped up in the sometimes overwhelming daily routine?

The moral of this is that if you’re going to ask a question, be willing to listen to the answer. Be GENUINELY concerned and you’ll come out ahead. Otherwise, you’re just wasting time and may even find that you’re acting much to your detriment.

Those Who Don’t Learn From History Are Condemned to Repeat It

I’m the first to admit it has been awhile since I had last written. Although I had planned on writing several pieces, none of what I had to say felt appropriate for the tone of this blog – one that was set up to deal with marketing lessons.

September is a month that conjures up all sorts of emotions for many Americans including yours truly. From hopeful to melancholy to reflective to who knows what… The school year gets under way full of new promise and hope. Summer fades into autumn and with that leaves begin to change color and fall from the trees. And for many Americans including, yours truly, the period surrounding the fifth anniversary of the September 11th attacks on the Pentagon and World Trade Center dredges up all kinds of emotions – many of which others do not want to hear or be reminded of. Too many people prefer to live in their own little bubbles, going about their everyday lives without really thinking about the world or even the people around them. It is deceptively safer to them ignore this because otherwise their view of the world or themselves would crumble and then what? Better to be oblivious or selfish or just plain delusional just to maintain the status quo because it is a lot easier than dealing with reality.

I would be lying if I would say that these past couple of weeks have been smooth emotional sailing. I was hoping that a few people would call to check in on me and find out how I was holding up as the 9/11 attacks were ones I saw and felt up close and personal. I was one of many who was running for her life when the planes struck the Towers

I was angry… Angry because people who had volunteered to clean up ground zero were told lies about the safety of the pit and now find themselves faced with terminal illness and medical conditions. Their medical claims are being denied and they find themselves in serious debt or financial destruction. People who help others are getting shafted when they need help. What kind of message does this send to others about values and civic responsibility? Angry at our federal government for spewing utter crap that insulted the intelligence of so many Americans. Many of us knew that Iraq did not have weapons of mass destruction and that Saddam was not in cahoots with Al Qaeda. If our president was so concerned with our safety then why don’t we have more troops in Afghanistan? I could rant on and on but that is not entirely appropriate.

What I am getting at is and the quick parallel between this and marketing events is that we need to view and analyze information to make informed decisions. There is something to be said for following one’s intuition. But doing that blindly without past experience on what to look for is not the wisest of decisions. Neither is relying on data for data’s sake in a vacuum. Data/information needs to be looked at in context – given what information we have, how should we look at this, how do we interpret what we have at hand in a logical manner as objectively as we can? If we don’t learn from our experiences and view the results of our marketing programs, we are likely to make the same mistakes and not improve. Same as our government, same as in our personal lives.

Carpe diem!

Catch Me Now I’ve Fallen -- Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Not too long ago, as I usually do, I left my apartment around 5:30 am to head to the health club. As a creature of habit, and as one who figures if I’m about to embark on a morning of exercise, I forego taking an elevator in favor of taking the stairs. But as I was heading down the stairs, I slipped on something (I’m not sure if it was slippery taffy or a soap remnant) that one of my “thoughtful” neighbors left behind. As a result of this selfishness, I fell halfway down the flight hurting my tailbone and a few other unmentionable places. I’m usually cognizant of what’s around me and it could have been worse – I could have broken a bone or two, fallen on my head or who knows what.

Yes, I am fortunate, albeit still in pain finding it difficult to sit, bend, lie down, turn over, get up. But before this incident, I never really gave much thought as to how I get out of bed or up from an exercise bench after doing bench presses (now I tend to use my elbows as leverage and then focus on my upper body strength), take a walk, pick something up from the floor, or even plop (excuse the pun) myself on the toilet. And even when I have been faced with worse situations (some of you may or may not know that I am one of the many fortunate people who survived the 9/11 attacks at the World Trade Center), although I tend to appreciate what I do have, I still tend to not think much about the activities that I do with little conscious thought such as breathing, walking, and chewing.

So, why am I mentioning this and how does it relate to marketing and business? The world of catalog marketing provides some fantastic examples.

Well, I don’t know if you ever look at a catalog from a multi-channel marketer and notice underneath some of the merchandise description the words Catalog/Internet only. Pottery Barn is one such cataloger that does this. The ever more interesting part is that consumers (who aren’t necessarily familiar with catalog marketing per se) will go into a store and ask an associate for a product that they saw in a catalog when the notation depicts that the item is not available in stores. And then, the consumer may or may not get irritated that he/she made a trip to a store for an item that was not available through that channel.

Here’s another instance from the world of catalogs… In many cases there are catalogers who charge shipping surcharges for bulkier/heavier items (which are much more expensive to ship than standard items) in addition to a standard processing fee (which are for all items that fall within particular monetary ranges). Many people will believe that the surcharge is the total shipping cost and then become argumentative when they are told the shipping and handling is more than they thought it was. The standard shipping fees are usually located in the catalog center with the order form and the surcharge is usually listed underneath the item for which there is a surcharge. People will forget to look at the order form page that breaks down the charges associated with shipping, taxes and so forth when they place their orders on line or through the call center. And hence, another scenario where a sale may be lost or a customer will feel cheated. It tends to boil down to interpretation and perspective.

All of which reminds me of a story when I was an undergraduate taking an organizational psychology class. One particular class covered questionnaire design and scales that measure response via the faces scale (smiley face, blank face, frowny face, etc. as a gauge of the degree to which one agreed or disagreed with statements that were presented). I remember (my at the time 19 year old self) mentioning to my professor that I thought the faces scale was an insult to my intelligence and to the intelligence of the American people. His response was somewhat to the effect that the scale was easy to understand (with fairly universal symbols) and that most college students (it was quite some time ago) were more intelligent than the average American. Additionally, the average American was (let me be politically incorrect) pretty stupid. Looking back that was a point well-taken – look who we now have as our president.

The moral of these stories… Many of us tend to go through life with blinders on and just go about our daily routines with little conscious awareness or appreciation of what we tend to take as a given. Those “givens” may not be simple or obvious to others.

Many marketers take for granted that people will read and understand what is written or even spoken when that is clearly not the case. They may assume (and most of us know what happens when one will ass-u-me) that people will read between the lines or pay attention to the smaller print (or perhaps not pay attention to the smaller print so they can deceive the customer but still cover their asses in court). Communication at its very core has two parties -- those who send the messages and those who receive them. It’s time to take off the blinders and be more in tune with others and how others may interpret or perceive our messages. Let’s not take “the simple things for granted”.

The Art of the Smoothie -- Convenience Pays

If you've watched TV, taken a walk, or have driven lately, you've probably come across a Dunkin' Donuts ad for its new smoothies. For most of us (particularly those of us in urban areas) come summer, come smoothies – whether it be at a health food store, the health club, or juice bar, we're bound come across some store hawking the almost guilt free refreshment and status symbol of the health conscious or aspiring health nut. Dunkin' Donuts, however, is brilliant in bringing the smoothie to the masses (the mango smoothie really is quite good) and still being true to its (newer) brand strategy.

But let me ask, why would anyone want to pay at least $3 for a smoothie they can easily make for a lot less money in the time it takes to wait in line at the store to get one?

A Strawberry Blonde takes three simple ingredients – frozen strawberries, frozen bananas (the frozen banana is key in creating the thickness/frothiness without adding in dairy products), and apple juice. Put in the blender and voila – a perfectly delectable and refreshing smoothie.

During the summer, I can usually buy a pint of strawberries for one dollar ($1.29 max at my local fruit and vegetable store), bananas at $0.39 cents per pound (if I'm ready to overpay then maybe $0.59 cents per pound), and a 64 ounce bottle of apple juice at the dollar store. All this is enough for at least four 12 ounce glasses of the little elixirs. All it takes is maybe a minute to wash the strawberries and put them in a freezer bag, unpeel the banana and put in either a freezer bag or wax paper (you may want to break it into smaller pieces) and actually put them in the freezer.

A Blue Hawaii – frozen blueberries, frozen banana, and pineapple juice is not rocket science. And if you’re adventurous and want to make all kinds of smoothies go create yogurt smoothies, add in spirulina or protein powder. I guarantee you can find a recipe (online) for whatever smoothie suits your fancy.

So, although you already know the answer, why would any sane person overpay for these summer refreshments he/she can easily make his/herself? In one word CONVENIENCE. No preparation, no clean-up, near instant gratification. Someone else does the work and you get the "reward".

A large part of a successful marketer's job is to create value and make it simple and convenient for customers. Generally, all things being equal that's what brings them in and keeps them coming.

Bottom line, successful companies know that opportunity abounds (particularly in online channels but make sure the navigation is logical and easy to use) in making things easy and convenient in our otherwise complex, sometimes stressful worlds. Never underestimate the power of instant gratification and convenience.

Carpe diem!

A Quick Thanks

I think it’s important (although sometimes overlooked) to express gratitude to those who have offered support, kind words, and a listening ear. On that note, I want to thank everyone who has read this blog thusfar. The positive response has been more than I expected and I hope I can keep you enlightened, challenged, and entertained while providing value.

A very special thanks to Cesar Negron whose joy of life, sense of adventure, authenticity, and friendship means more than I can say.

Additional thanks to Joe Dator one very talented and funny man-- whose positive words have been encouraging (he's one tough person to impress); Sharon Jensen – a good friend, wonderful colleague, and all around great person who I cannot say enough good things about. She has offered me encouragement, and has supported me through ups, downs, and in-betweens of my personal and professional lives. Her heartfelt praise of my work makes this a true labor of love. Besides, she’s the best thing to come out of Indiana other than David Letterman and Orville Redenbacher popcorn.

More thanks to Tom Molfetto, another maverick marketer in his own right, whose appreciation of the absurd has provided lots of great ideas and even more memorable moments and belly laughs; Danielle Brooks for welcoming me back into the New York Direct Marketing community and for being a supportive friend and sounding board.

Last but not least I want to thank Jake Doyle
who actually, but unwittingly, put the idea in my head to start this blog.

As human beings we all want to connect and feel appreciated. What better way for us to do this for others than to utter two simple but heartfelt words "thank you".

More about the role of thank yous in developing customer loyalty in a future entry.

But for now... Carpe diem.

Let Me Pee in Peace --The Plusses, Perils, and Pitfalls of a (Forced) Captive Audience

As many businesses face the increasing pressures of competing for customers who are bombarded with advertising messages almost ad nauseum they will do almost anything and in any venue to get attention and have a captive audience. The key word in the latter sentence is "captive". What better place to have a captive audience than in a public restroom stall? It's small and it's not like you're going anywhere in immediate future. You "got" me where you want me. Whether I like it or not, you have my attention (and I usually don’t like it).

Geez, what ever happened to one’s privacy. Advertising in the home of the porcelein god? Is nothing sacred nor private in this day and age in the otherwise puritanical US of A? I guess privacy laws here only refer to customer data.

Does advertising ettiquette and respect for the consumer go down the crapper when it comes to being in the crapper? Or is there a new set of rules and strategic guidelines when it comes to bathroom advertising? Yes, there are and I while I have my own bathroom manifesto (feel free to request a copy), for now I want to keep it simple.


So here goes … A drumroll (or flush) please…

Rosner's 3 cardinal rules for bathroom advertising…
(1) make sure the product is appropriate to the venue or the social undertones associated with the venue
(2) keep it simple (most people don't plan on being in there for long… and if they are in there for awhile, your ad message is not going to be foremost on their minds)
(3) entertain me. At the very least, make me chuckle. (This is key)

But here’s the deal… Usually the bathroom in question is one not far from a nice supply of liquor albeit a dive bar or restaurant. And let's face it, some products are better suited to this venue than others. Altoids uses this venue well and the underlying message is pretty clear – I'm drinking or eating, my breath smells, I don't want to offend (especially if I'm looking to hook up). Plain, simple, to the point with some humor added for good measure. That is if I'm not annoyed by having to look at the ad while I urinate or defecate.

Actually my mere mentioning of Altoids (I'm not a paid endorser for them) shows that on some level the ad worked. But what about a condom ad on the stall of a bathroom? Anyone who's boozing it up and looking to "get laid" is probably too drunk (or stupid) to even think about condoms. He/she is not necessarily inclined to stop everything to buy a pack of condoms. And, if one is already engaging in sexual activity in the bathroom, if he/she doesn't already have them at hand, condoms are the last thing on his/her mind (sad but probably true). And if one isn't planning on a quickie in a stall then he/she is there to excrete metabolic wastes and not necessarily think about getting lucky per se. Sorry, even in this simple venue the message is probably wasted.

And quite frankly, even a marketer like me says enough is enough. I'd rather read the graffiti than have some corporate entity and Madison Avenue agency whose ethics are questionable in the quest to makes some bucks ram their messages down my throat. (Let me be clear, I am not against ad agencies by any stretch of the imagination, only those who have flushed their ethics in the stalls where they place their clients' ads.) Bathroom advertising is like advertising rape, way worse than spam (at least I can hit the delete button with spam) and that just isn’t cutting it. Besides, I want to choose what I read or don't read.

Besides, there's usually a postcard kiosk outside the restrooms to parlay an ad. And I can take the postcard with me, spread the gospel, and continue the buzz.

The Little Pie Company

One of my favorite, albeit, rare indulgences when I am in New York City’s Meatpacking District is to head into The Little Pie Company. Those “little pies” are like little mounds of mouthwatering heaven which I cannot eat in one sitting. Sure, those little mounds of heaven are just a tad overpriced, but even the apple pie (and I’m not a big fan of apple pie in general) is out of this world. The Little Pie Company’s store in the Meatpacking District is a great place to sit down and grab a nosh in a neighborhood known for its trendy restaurants and even trendier designer boutiques. When I just want to take a breather and spend less than a c-note to do so (actually $10 at The Little Pie Company should be more than enough for a bite and something to drink), this is the place to go. Better yet, this is a place to sit down, catch up with a friend, and just indulge.

So, if the pies are nirvana, then why haven’t I ever stopped and bought a “little pie” from The Little Pie Company’s location in Grand Central Terminal? I stop at Grand Central Terminal much more often than I do at the Meatpacking District. I can surely sit down, take a breather, and eat at Grand Central’s Food Concourse. So, I have to ask myself, why haven’t I?

If I think about it, the answer boils down to one thing – the different experience I have at the Meatpacking District vs. that I have at Grand Central Terminal. When I’m at Grand Central Terminal, the Little Pie Company is just another kiosk among many. While I can grab a seat in the Food Court, the sense of intimacy is lost – my seat is one among many others diners whose food can come from any of the multitude of vendors at the station (or he/she can bring in food from another locale).

The Meatpacking District locale is a true storefront with a few booths, tables, and chairs just for customers like me who want the sugar fix. I can see the baked goods a few feet away and the ingredients used in making those pies just a little further at the back of the store. I can smell the pies and just be. There really isn’t another place in the Meatpacking District (other than Western Beef) where I can bask in more relaxed simplicity and just enjoy.

As marketers, all other things being equal, we need to keep in mind the overall experience we provide our customers.

I'm Not an 80 Year Old Man

Recently, I received a postcard for a webinar whose caption read “Become a Marketing Rockstar”. Let me backtrack a bit – the postcard was actually addressed to my father (whose definition of the web would be that thing a spider spins) under my business moniker.

In direct response there is such a thing known as the 40-40-20 rule. 40% of campaign success is derived from having the right lists, 40% from the offer, 20% from the creative. These guys missed the beat on the first 40% which made the other 60% worthless to me.

Which leads me to this… Why would I spend my money for a webinar that claims I can become a marketing rockstar if they can’t even get the right name on the postcard? To me, these people cannot be marketing rockstars if they are not even addressing their collateral to the correct person. My 80 year old, senile (sad but true) dad does not and has never worked for me. The only mouse he’s familiar with is that of a fuzzy rodent with a tail and beaty eyes. I’m not even sure if he remembers what the internet is. A webinar? You must be joking.

I know that postcard was meant for me. After all, it was addressed to CinnerG Consulting and I’m the only Rosner who is associated with CinnerG Consulting. But I need to ask myself from whom did this organization purchase this list and how many more pieces of mail will I receive with my father’s name on it addressed to my business?

This company claims it can make those who sign up for its webinar into marketing rockstars!?? Maybe in the world of air guitar. But, I guess I have to have some empathy for a company who purchased a bad list. Which brings me to the next questions. Do many marketers even know who they are targeting? And does marketing of services have to be a push relationship? Does the organization who sent me this postcard for its webinar even know that they addressed it to an 80 year old retiree who used to be in hardware sales (not of the computer kind – I’m talking nuts and bolts and hammers of Mr. C’s long forgotten Happy Days era). Even so, why would an 80 year old want to be a rockstar?

Even if this organization had addressed the postcard to me, what if I don’t like rock (I do, depending on which type). What if I was a jazz, blues, rap, or hip hop enthusiast? Did they segment based on musical interests? I doubt it. So why not be a marketing “superstar” and tote the value-add of the webinar to support that claim.